From the Eyes of my Heart

Monday, November 16, 2009

It was easier but it was also deadening me- little by little.

I was just soooo tired last night. My back was aching and my brain cells were losing oxygen (I maybe exaggerating but it sure felt like it). It had been a long day. I wanted to rest but Nigel was still feeding. As I held my baby in my arms, I closed my eyes and focused on Daddy (this is what I like to call God).

“Lord, please restore me! Fill me up. I’m all consumed.” I wanted Him to come and fill me with peace and joy like He has done so many times. But I felt Him telling me, “I am not a feel good pill.” That night, I heard His voice but did not feel His touch or see His face.

Like I said, it had been a long day attending to the needs of a growing and energetic baby. I was guilty of shouting at the li’l one when he wiggled during a diaper change and bath time. I was guilty of rolling my eyes and not taking things seriously when Butch and I were trying to resolve an argument. Not too long ago, when I said YES to Jesus’ offer to follow him, he kept asking me over and over again- “Will you fight for me when the going gets tough? Will you choose to do the right thing every moment of your life?”

Lately, my choices have been to take the more convenient way. It’s easier to stay mad at your husband and sleep on an unresolved fight instead of patching things up. It’s easier to holler at your kid when he won’t stay still instead of entertaining him with a song or two.

It was easier but it was also deadening me- little by little.

Now, I know why the Lord refused to let me see Him that night. He wanted to meet with me in my times of need.

Tomorrow, I will call His name when Nigel cries and have no idea why or what to do. Then, I will hear his counsel. He will be my strength when I feel exhausted after giving Nigel a bath and I still have chores to accomplish. When conflicts arise between me and Butch, He will give me the grace to be patient and gentle in communicating and understanding my husband’s point of view.
At the end of the day, as I lull Nigel to sleep, I will close my eyes, thank and praise my God for being with me throughout the day. Then, I will finally see Him, smiling at me.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Lord, You're My Desire, a worship song

I will always give thanks to you and sing
I will exalt your name and praise you for your mighty deeds
For you have been my help, my everything
There is no one besides you
Faithful and true

Lord, you’re my desire
Lord, you are my treasure
In you I find pleasure
I love you Lord
There is no other like you.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Wow Barbie!! Nakaka-inspire ka naman! (wow Barbie you’re so inspiring)

Last night, I attended the SINAG Youth Conference. It was a benefit concert for typhoon Ondoy victims. We brought Nigel along in his pajamas.

When we came in the JOHIA dance team was doing their thing down the stage. Behind them were a couple of people getting ready to play. I saw this girl tinkering with the amplifier. I wondered who she was. She had a guitar around her neck.

I was very surprised to find out that it was actually Barbie Almalbis. I’ve seen this singer/songwriter before in other Praise and Worship events and during those times, I didn’t immediately recognize her too. She just doesn’t pop out of the crowd like other celebrities. But when she started singing, she became more and more beautiful to me in each song. She did a song called “Dahilan” which she said is about the Lord. I don’t know if it was the lights that hit her white skin but she was shining as she sang about her Savior. In my mind I thought, wow I want to do this too! Suck out all talent I could muster from myself and do it for God’s glory.

It was just so inspiring.

I think Barbie reflects her Makers glory when she sings for Him. That’s why she was shining.
Do you want to be beautiful? Use your talents and skills for Jesus today and you will surely reflect His glory!

* photo by Cyrus Laroco

Thursday, October 22, 2009

The land has never been this fertile before

When super typhoon Parma (Pepeng) was about to hit the Philippines, I asked the Lord…

“Why is this happening? My brothers and sisters haven’t even recovered from the flood and destruction Ketsana caused. What is your purpose Lord, what?”
The Lord impressed in my heart that I was safe and in His hands and that the typhoon will hit where it “needs” to hit. All of a sudden, I remembered the Egyptians. Way back in my History class, I learned that the Egyptian civilization (yeah, as in the rich folks who built the pyramids and had pharaohs with golden masks on their tombs) prospered because of the Nile River. Every year this mighty river overflowed and flooded the nearby areas. Because of the flood waters, the ground became very fertile. After the waters receded, the Egyptians planted and eventually harvested multitudes of crops.

These storms may have devastated our nation but I believe it also readied the hearts of the Filipinos to wholeheartedly receive Jesus in their hearts. He is our only Hope and Savior in these times of utter despair. Believe in Him and you will be saved.

In the Parable of the Sower found in Matthew 13, only a couple seeds landed on fertile ground. Well, this is the season when all we have to do is plant the seed and rest assured, it will take root, grow and even bear fruit because the land has never been this fertile before.

I was very happy to be part of my church’s Jesus Our Hope International Assemblies (JOHIA) medical mission in San Mateo, one of typhoon-stricken cities. It was the perfect opportunity to “plant” seeds. I immediately contacted a good friend of mine, Nina when I first learned of the medical mission outreach. She just passed the medical board exams. I wondered if she wanted to volunteer. Fortunately she was available. We also got some quality medicines from their pharmaceutical company at a discounted price.

On that day, JOHIA was able to reach out to 200 plus families in Banaba, San Mateo. We provided medical assistance, distributed over 300 bags of relief goods and imparted the Good News of Jesus Christ.

*photos by Pammie Borromeo

Monday, September 7, 2009

I went back to the Worship Team

Do I know this song? Are you friggin’ kidding me! This was my favorite when I was pregnant! Apol, the coordinator/ worship leader showed me the lyrics of Desert Song (Hillsong, the one by Brooke Fraser). She wanted us to learn it.

I attended worship team practice again last Thursday. Yup, I’ve gone back to the worship team after more than a year of absence. I was pretty sure I’ve lost my voice. As they say, when you do not use a gift, it tends to bail out on you. But I wasn’t there to sing. I was there to give Glory to my God the way I know how. It just happens to involve using the vocal chords. But that night I was pretty nervous. I looked to my left and saw George and no one else. The two of us were the only back-up singers. It was clear we had to work harder. But as I stood there holding the microphone embarrassed by my rusty vocals, constantly worrying about my 7 month old baby, sweaty and uncomfortable, I began to feel like I fit where I was.

Wrap me in your arms by Michael Gungor was the worship song we practiced.

Take me to that place, Lord
To that secret place where
I can be with You, You can make me like YOU
Wrap me in Your arms, wrap me in your arms…

Singing the chorus over and over again was a plea to my Heavenly Father. I was happy because it was a request He did not hesitate to grant. I remember feeling peaceful, calm and refreshed. Well, normally one would feel these in His presence. But that night, I felt this great sense of FREEDOM. I remember thanking Him for setting me FREE.

Lord, thank you for liberating me from all sorts of crap and lies I used to believe about myself. Now, I am free to love, live and worship you!
I came home thoroughly blessed that night. But I also promised myself that I’d practice the songs on my own at home.

Sunday morning came. I failed to marinade my ears (listening to the song over and over again till you get so sick of the original tune, you’d actually start singing it in second voice. I wanted to get the 2nd voice part of the Desert Song’s bridge) with the line-up of songs because of my busyness in “mommying”. Lo and behold, the entire line-up was changed. This is actually common especially when the worship leader feels led by the Lord to do it. I was particularly pleased with one of the praise songs Apol picked out- I am Free, again by Michael Gungor.

I am free to run
I am free to dance
I am free to live for you
I am free, I am free, I am freeeeeeee!!

I sang my heart out just celebrating, declaring and thanking God for my freedom.